I saw a movie once in which a man was pulled in four different directions by horses, he didn't die.. the point was that he was strong enough to sustain the pulling. That's how I feel every day, as if many forces are pulling me in different directions at the same time and that it takes all my strength to just stop from falling apart. The only thing I've done with conviction in quite some time is not drink soft drinks. The closest I come is ... Actually it's pretty much just water and tea these days. I feel the desire to break even this basic decision that I've made. It is difficult to move to a new resolution when it takes so much will power to sustain the resolution I'm on now. It's been probably six to nine months and I still want to just let go and drink a Dr. Pepper. Weak. So very weak. I train, but not as I should. I'm awake, but not as awake as I should be. I'm aware, but not as aware as I should be. I am a man of weak resolve, of weak will. I'm working to build it, but in a life of complacency how does a warrior tighten the strap and grip the sword? Dedication I apparently have, I have shown that to myself. Now to dedicate myself, to stride forward with reslove and attain. To attain emptiness in the palm I must reach with the utmost intention. Illusory feelings, illusory thoughts, illusory goals. I must remember how to focus the mind. I think I knew once.. But I fell off the edge that I walked. Time to find it. Anybody out there got a light?

Logical Progression
Weakness to Masterhood in Less than 3 steps.

-=AQB=-